Tough Talk – Why Bother?

You’ve been avoiding it. That conversation. The one you know needs to happen, but every time you think about it, your stomach clenches, your palms sweat, and you find an excuse to push it down the priority list. But here’s the thing: avoiding a tough talk only makes things worse.

The Cost of Avoidance

Let me tell you about Lisa. Lisa is a director at a mid-sized firm. She had an employee, Tom, who was underperforming. His reports were late, his colleagues were frustrated, and clients were starting to notice. Lisa knew she had to address it, but she kept putting it off. She told herself she didn’t want to demotivate him, but deep down, she dreaded the confrontation.

Three months later, Tom made a costly mistake that nearly lost the company a major client. When Lisa finally sat down with him, it was too late. He was defensive, hurt, and blindsided. He had no idea his overall performance was an issue, and Lisa realized too late that her silence had done more damage than a tough conversation ever could.

What’s Holding You Back?

Tough talks are tough because they hit where it hurts: ego, relationships, and security. They trigger emotions: fear, frustration, even anger. And most of us aren’t trained to navigate emotionally charged conversations effectively. We either bulldoze through them (hello, confrontation avoidance aftermath) or avoid them altogether (hello, passive-aggressive tension).

The good news? Tough talks are a skill that can be learned.

The Three-Part Formula for Navigating Tough Talks

1. Get Clear on Your Motives

• What do you really want? For yourself, for the other person, and for the situation?
• Are you entering the conversation to solve a problem or to prove a point?

2. Understand the Three Conversations at Play

• Facts: What actually happened? Strip out loaded words, assumptions, and interpretations.
• Feelings: How is this impacting you and the other person? Name the emotions at play.
• Ego: What does this situation say about who you are? What might the other person be protecting?

3. Establish Mutual Purpose and Respect

• Does the other person believe you care about their perspective and goals?
• Do they feel respected? Do you?

Avoidance isn’t an option if you want a high-performance, engaged workplace. Tackling tough talks head-on – with skill and strategy – will save time, money, and energy in the long run.